Missing posts

[adena pl0x]

Hello, I am the author of the satirical series "Terrain Wars". I don't know if anyone remembers them, but I'll be glad if someone does.

Anyway. Seems I can't access my older posts. In fact, even though the counter says 40+something, I can access absolutely nothing.

So, please, whoever has the archived information, send it to me on PM. I will love you forever!

Thanks in advance, and peace.

[Nosti]

Hello adena pl0x ,
I love your "Terrain Wars" and i missed you stories.

I Have them all !

When you will start with Terrain Wars 3 ?   

[stanko]

I think that I have all of them too, loved them btw, if the guy didn't send u already let me know

[adena pl0x]

Oh, after so much time, I'm still remembered! You guys made me feel so great!

Nosti or stanko, please PM me with them, thank you! <3


Meanwhile, I'm just returning to Lineage II once again, so maybe there will be new episodes soon. With better English of course, haha.

[Nosti]

Damn limit on PMs, here are the rest of Season 2 :

but she slapped him before he managed to. Trying to ignore that, Sztof paid her to teleport the two parties at the destination... Monastery of Silence.

   ExC1DiuM were running like mad.
   â€" Mistress â€" asked Darkness4Ever, â€" are you sure sacrificing the bishop to save our asses was a good idea? I mean, uhm, how can we kill someone now?
   However, HoTPuuSSy didn’t answer, maybe because she was still too shocked by the spider in that tent to produce understandable sounds. HellisComming brandished a No Grade soulshot and a toothpick in Darkie’s face and brawled:
   â€" Do you think we CAN KILL someone with THESE, even if the bishop WAS alive?!
   Hell outdistanced him. Darkie shrugged his shoulders. He was about to answer „They are noobs anyway” but thought that his friend might be right so he just kept on running. Some clanless clowns were staring curiously at ExC1DiuM. HellisComming rumbled them:
   â€" And what are you staring? Running keeps you fit! freak off before I PK you all!
   The gapers threw an overriped tomato at him.

   At the same time, in front of Monastery’s gates, Syndicate were planning their attack against the presumable presence of Redeemer inside. The place was rather silent, compared to any other. The stiffed air was bringing a slight sorrow and strengthening the effect of the silence. But now, the noisy drunk parties were riuning the results of NCSoft’s hard work.
   â€" We can’t show our weapons down there â€" spluttered velet, â€" because the monks will rape us in other case. You know, limitions of tourism â€" he drank the last remaining Vodka. â€" When we see Redeemer, they will pull out their weapons, hahaha, and the monks will pown them. Then we make a photo â€" „How we killed Redeemer without using any weapons” â€" which we edit to hide the environment and publish! I already imagine Dylan’s face! BUGAGAGAGAGA! â€" He laughed and threw the bottle away, accidently hitting Lord Sztof in the head, which no one (except himself) noticed.
   They hid their weapons and stepped inside, singing „We are the champions” and grinning at Kabally’s flat jokes.
   â€" And... hahahahaha... he said... haha... I’m not Hawkeye, I’m Sagittarius! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!
   Syndicate couldn’t stop laughing. Velet asked Kab to show how ExC1DiuM stun their bishop. Kabally immediately fell on his knees and knocked an imaginary arrow, carefully aiming at the leader.
   â€" U ain’t healin’ meh? DIE!
   And imitated the direction of the stun shot. He was so deep in the role, however, that he hit Lord Sztof while acting. That drove over the edge! Sztof was trying to ignore the beer cans, the jokes, the mocking, the crying, the philosophing and the leet talk, but he couldn’t allow this SS2 pig to touch his sacred armor with dirty hands. Out of himself in anger, he roared:
   â€" HOW DO YOU DARE TO TOUCH MY MAJESTY, YOU freakING NOOB?! NOW FEEL WHAT A STUN REALLY IS!!
   Velet tried to stop his master before he harmed Kabally but it was too late. Lord Sztof drawed out his bow and fired a stun shot + 18 at Kabally. On his side, Kabally pulled out his weapon and tried to doubleshot his opponent. This happened for one second only, followed by the heaviest silence ever. And then...
   â€" Brothers, move your weapons away!
   Syndicate freezed. A horde of monks had come there and now were swinging their axes with ice-cold cruel expressions. Shaking, Kabally put away his bow and pointed at Sztof.
   â€" H-h-he started it!
   But the monks were merciless. They didn’t care who had started what and whether he had hid the weapon. Once violated the rules, tourists were condemned to death. A very painful death. Sztof knew that and felt regret for his rash action. Now he made a weak try to mask the situation.
   â€" Well, brothers â€" he spoke with affectedly cheerful voice. â€" We were just joking, hehe. We were exactly leaving, if you want to know, heh. Isn’t it OK? â€" He made a pause waiting for a change in the situation. Such didn’t happen. He turned to his clan and shouted â€" RUN, BASTARDS! The map, which way to the exit! FAST! RUN!
   Velet looked quickly at the map and pointed an exit. Syndicate took to their heels. They ran, ran... ran... ran?
   â€" Velet?! â€" Lord Sztof ranged out. â€" Are you ABSOLUTELY sure that THIS is the exit?!
   Velet took a second glance at the map and realised his mistake.
   â€" S-s-sir, yes, sir!
   â€" THEN WHY ARE WE STILL INSIDE, DAMMIT?!
   â€" B-because this is the other exit, sir! â€" velet was white as a sheet. â€" I’ve accidently turned the map upside-down. So we must go to Varka now, sir!
   â€" VELET?!?!?!?

   â€" It’s so boring... â€" complained Lord Kang, while he was sitting on a rock in Blazing Swamp with his comrades. â€" Only bots, noobs, lamers... no challenge at all! Alex, can you ask Severance, maybe they can find some war in... Varka?
   â€" Varka is empty â€" passed Lord SLAYMORE on the radio. â€" Seems strange, because mobs are missing too. We shall check it. Over.
   â€" Everyone to Varka. We will cover the border line between the neighbourhood zones. If there is an enemy we won’t miss it. Over.
   The order was passed to the alliance OrangeMinions. Something interesting was going to happen and everyone knew it.
   â€" To Varka everyone. Cover the border lines. Over and out.

   â€" Noobs? We made it â€" DontF2ckMyBrain was pointing at OrangeMinions and laughing sinisterly. â€" The Ketra will rape OrangeNoobs and we will get their drops! Attaaaack!
   Strange silence.
   â€" Master? Where are the mobs, sir? They aren’t following us anymore!
   Alex was searching the drops from DontF2ck’s mobs, who he and his comrades had just killed with frenzy from behind.
   â€" Happy new year, Dont. I got 9 A-grade weapons from these Ketras. Lucky hunt! â€" Shadowdagger smiled at the face of LordsOfDestinies’ leader, which was in strange green color.
   Lord DontF2ckMyBrain returned and left his noobish advisors feed OrangeMinions’ hunger for terrain wars.
   At the horison, ExC1DiuM were returning from their little adventure. They were tired from running, but satisfied. They had finally Pked the observers who annoyed Hell and they were now looking for a place to clean the karma. HellisComming was still moody, however. He was walking in the front, a little away from the rest. He suddenly walked into someone.
   â€" Less karma for me, filthy Var... Oh, hi, dZin, happy new year... hehehe... uhm... what’s up?
   â€" Hi, Helly. You shouldn’t walk in Varka with so red name. You know, you could DROP your grandmother’s Carnage Bow â€" SLAYMORE waved and drawed his dagger.
   ExC1DiuM turned around and returned on their jogging. A second later, they stopped and freezed in fear. Syndicate, burning in anger, were heading down from Monastery’s hill...
   â€" I changed my mind â€" babled Darkie. â€" RETREAT!!!!

   AlexShadowdagger was impressed. A grade weapons and Darkess4Ever’s PK drops. At New Year evening! Could it be better?
   â€" Syndicate at 3 o’clock â€" grained ALEXNDERtheGREAT’s voice on the radio. â€" Two parties. Need backup. Over.
   Severance prepared a charge. Lord Kang and his clan were going to ambush the enemy from six o’clock.
   â€" I’m under heavy fire â€" announced captain Bedrock. â€" Rape Psyck. Over.
   â€" Sztof on UD â€" messaged sergeant GodLike. â€" Do you copy? Der Führer on UD! Over.
   AlexShadowdagger stalked and threw a sandbomb.
   â€" Fire in the hole!
BANG!

   In the mess, the comrades turned on Frenzy and Alex swang the stuns.
   â€" Happy new year, Syndi! Happy new year!
   The terrain war lasted less than half a minute. When the smoke faded, a nice look was revealed... just for a photo.
   Kabally was silently watching the scene from a safe place. He managed somehow to escape in the fog and hide nearby. Now Sztofy was punished for his insolence. Happy new year, Szrofy! Kabally had always managed to save his skin in a terrain war. Always. So, for the new year, he had drunken, joked, laughed... had a thrill... and a nice show. Satisfied at last, he used a soe.
   â€" Happy new year, pal â€" sounded a deep, rough voice from behind and the archer was one hit by a clanless naked Abyss Walker with Pipette Knife.
   No one retreats from terrain war at new year. Even Kabally.
   Enjoy 2009, my friends! Enjoy Terrain Wars and Dragon-Network.


~Narrateo
20.01.2009

[Nosti]

Episode II â€" The Zerg


   New Year! LordsOfDestinies were celebrating in the clanhall with their friends, awaiting their master. His plan was great indeed. Instead of wandering around, looking whom to kill at New Year, which was incredibly stupid and worthless, he chose to farm and earn some money while there were no people at the zones.
   The door opened and DontF2ckMyBrain entered there. The crowd immediately sieged him.
   â€" How many weapons?
   â€" Adena?
   â€" Coins?
   â€" Life Stones?
   â€" A grade sets?
   DontF2ck shaked head and opened his bag.
   â€" Animal bones â€" announced he and poured several kilos of them. â€" In my calculations, 10 for each of you and 11 for me.
   The clan shut up and remained with opened mouths. The sight was hilarious â€" big crowd, a pile of bones, which everyone stared like oO, and DontF2ck at the center. Finally, Basek dared to break the silence.
   â€" Uhm sir... the whole LordsOfDestinies, including me... sent you for something, which is ... not No Grade. And for the moment all we have is some animal bones?
   â€" And charcoal â€" added Dont and poured a second pile.
   â€" And the zerg is towards us â€" continued Basek.
   â€" And the other zerg â€" nodded another one.
   â€" Actually â€" finished Basek, â€" everyone is towards us.
   â€" Everyone you say? ¬â€" asked Dont with informative tone.
   â€" Yes, everyone â€" confirmed Basek.
   â€" So that’s what you think? â€" began F2ck again. â€" That maybe your DontF2ck has declared war to everyone?
   â€" Ban forever! â€" intervented Jasmin3.
   â€" What did this duck said?!
   â€" Don’t blame the duck, Dont. You’ve really declared war to everyone.
   â€" So what do you want? A cookie?
   â€" No â€" answered Jasmin3. â€" I want something valuable. Scroll Enchant Weapon S Grade, as a beginning.
   â€" A scroll? â€" the leader was looking surprised. He thought a little, and then spoke. â€" Gentlemen, what do scrolls do?
   â€" They... enchant things? â€" guessed Basek with a slight confusion.
   â€" And what they enchant, becomes shiny â€" smiled Jasmin3.
   â€" So we must find something and enchant it â€" concluded Basek.
   â€" No â€" replied DontF2ckMyBrain. â€" We don’t have the weapon, so the scroll is useless without it. Why to look for the scroll when we don’t have anything to enchant?
   â€" So we must find something to enchant?
   â€" You’ve not understood anything. Well... any other questions?
   â€" Where’s the zerg?
   â€" Ah, yes... the zerg â€" Dont ejected a compass with rapidly moving arrow. â€" The zerg is... um... aaa... approximately... everywhere!
   â€" Dontfreak?!
   â€" Come on, come on, divide your bones and charcoal and leave me alone!
   DontF2ckMyBrain went in his chamber and locked the door 3 times.

   Meanwhile, Lord Sztof was commenting the situation with Syndicate’s officers. They were drinking beer in Giran’s local pub. The leader rejected the serveman’s mana drug offer and switched on the next question. The zerg.
   â€" I assure you that we are walking the path of victory. Severance is a dying breed. The world is shrinking. We have zerg on more and more spawns. Nowadays random &co pray for each won pvp. Despite being better than most of you, ... yes, Kabally, ... Psyck, velet, SHUT UP! So, despite being better that most of you, including you three, I said, they are losing. Because what does matter here is quantity. It’s not the olympiad, mates. This is mass pvp where everything is allowed... no, rezz, not ABSOLUTELY everything, but almost. You know, it is practically impossible to win 1v7. So that’s my plan to avenge OrangeClowns. Simply form 8 pt and turn their insides to outsides and vice-versa. I hope I was clear enough. Are you still here?! Start forming parties, go, go, GO!
They looked stressed at their Lord’s expression and ran out of the pub. Sztof stood up, paid some adena to the barman and walked away, sighing heavily and looking after his clan mates.

   However, it wasn’t only Sztof and DontF2ckMyBrain with the problems. Darkness4Ever also had some. Last night he dropped his equipment. Actually if we think better, he should have been happy he hadn’t dropped his warehouse, which may happen if you have so many PK points as him. But since that number can overload your brain and PC, I won’t mention it. Just think about how much karma you receive, wielding Zariche, to receive a pale impression about the PK number that leads to the same karma amount. Anyway, he dropped his items and now he didn’t have anything to kill with but the stolen D grade from one member of ExC1DiuM’s academy when she was asleep. So, he thought some time and finally made the decision. He had to go to his father… once again. Praying that he won’t shout very much, he went there and knocked at his door. A rough voice asked who’s there.
   â€" It’s your son, dad, Darkie.
   â€" Darkie! Come in, come in! I’m always glad to see when my great son comes to see his father! He-he-he… Come inside, don’t worry â€" the old man was really happy. He invited his guest inside the big, rich-decorated house and pointed him a luxurious sofa near the fireplace. Darkness stepped inside, but with stiff movements and sat down, looking anxiously at his father.
   â€" What would you drink? Coffee? Beer? Anything else?
   â€" Orange juice, thank you â€" answered Darkie and asked himself how would his daddy react when he tells him the reason of his visit. The orange juice was served by the piccolo and Darkie drank a short nip.
   â€" So why are you coming, Dark? You’ve finally remembered about the coins I borrowed you? â€" Asked the man curiously and, with slight confusion, looked at his son’s D grade set.
   â€" Those 600 coins you lent me last year? Ah, no. I’m coming to ask you something â€" answered Darkness4Ever evasively.
   â€" I don’t like your tone. You want something from me? Once again? â€" The father’s smile vanished away and his face became steel.
   â€" Um… actually… Well… I… I came here for something like that. We may say I came here to ask you to give me something, if you want me to express my self more correctly.
   â€" Spit it out! NOW! â€" Darkie’s father voice became as hard as lead.
   â€" I have actually managed to drop my items when I had karma.
   â€" AGAIN?! What about that sin eater you stole from me?
   â€" The edited one that cleans everything when you use it?
   â€" Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! DIDN’T YOU, WORM, USE IT?!
   â€" No, dad. I’m afraid I dropped it too.
   The old man became dark red and drawed his knife, but then sighed and sat down. He didn’t speak for a long time. When he finally spoke, his voice was a little shaky.
   â€" Better that you didn’t use it. It could have burst from the amount of karma. I bet even Zariche can be jealous with you.
   â€" That’s right, dad. So… can I… khm-khm… ask you for some items?
   â€" OK. You’re my son after all. But, please, don’t tell me this… D grade â€" he pronounced the word with visible disgust â€" is stolen from an academy member when she was asleep. Because it seems so.
   â€" I… of course not, dad! What are you talking… Oh, forgot to tell you. I’ll need a weapon, too.
   â€" Weapon? HADN’T YOU AUGMENTED YOURS?!?!?!?!
   â€" Relax, relax, I had. But the thing is… when you’ve PKed so much people… you start dropping augmented stuff too… Either way, it was only second-hand A grade bow…
   â€" Second hand… wait a little! You are telling me… that you have… DROPPED… MY GRANDMOTHER’S CARNAGE BOW?!?!?
   â€" A little hehe.

DontF2ckMyBrain was walking down the Ketra hill. Here he almost got 9 A grade weapons. There must be a way to strike the oil from some drop! But how… and what… he didn’t know. With the hope something could get into his mind, he continued to Varka’s direction. Someone was training mobs. Maybe… but no. Too much orcs + a healer. No chance. Let’s keep walking… yes, that’s right. DontF2ck never loses. Well, almost never, but he suddenly felt a good opportunity. He had always asked himself what he could get the drop from… but he realized he had missed an important thing! He accelerated his walk. He had a plan once again. Finally he had asked himself the right question. No what from. WHO from…

   â€" So â€" barked Sztof in his clan hall, â€" listen to my plan. Someone among you… let it be rezz, goes to Varka. The other parties will wait on the gatekeeper. When rezz sees Severance on their daily patrol, calls the secret word, which will be… will be… “laserkiller is a loser”? No, that’s spoken in ally chat too much and we can confuse it. OK, the secret word will be “YABA-DABA-DOO”. Then, after we hear that, we teleport to Varka and rape the enemy. Listen very carefully! It’s important to teleport altogether, so half Severance will die from the surprise (I hope). We shot them, clean the terrain, make a photo and then drink for our health and our glorious victory. Rezz, I rely on you. Don’t fail me, else, you know… kick.

Darkie was walking with his new equipment and was very pushy. The mood was common to him. Despite his father’s warnings and refuses to give more items if he drops these, he wanted to PK and PK PK PKPKPKPKPK. He knew his father. He always says but never does… i.e. this was his sixth refusal for more support. So, nothing serious. Except he could drop warehouse and beyond, if he karma-s himself again. But who cared? Least he did. So, cheerfully, he walked down the Ketra hill, to the way to Varka. And guess whom did he see?
   â€" Aren’t you that one who threw a tomato against Helly?
   â€"Yeah, noob. It was me. Any problem with that?
   â€"Yeah, noob. I will PK you. Any problem with that?
   â€" You won’t dare. I don’t believe even you to be that stupid. I bet even Zariche will be jealous with your karma. Oh, yeah, many PK behind you have. You will drop warehouse, ID and PWD…
   â€" Only if someone kills me, noob. So, what will it be? Double shot? Hamstring shot?

[Nosti]

 DontF2ckMyBrain was watching Darkness4Ever killing the puppy with Lethal shot. He caught on the hook. DontF2ck looked at the ExC1DiuM member. Dynasty set… karma, which even Zariche will appreciate… and all that, for the price of paying the puppet to annoy the first ExC1DiuM he sees. A dynasty set for 50kk adena. Worth the price. DontF2ck waited him to travel a little more to Varka, and ambushed him. Nice work, he thought. Someone in the newspaper was writing about new formulas for wild magic effect but too complicated for elcharro to understand, so he left the 100% magic critical. DontF2ck searched around for abyss walkers. Nothing. Darkie did drop his warehouse and beyond, maybe even his second character’s warehouse. Lots of charcoal, No Grade soulshots, toothpicks, but… Dynasty set too. DontF2ck stepped towards. This time everything flowed fine. He almost smelled the victory. He encroached his hand and almost took the dynasty, when, all of a sudden…


   By a chance, just when Dont failed, the daily Severance patrol passed by and hit oil from Darkie’s drops (who, by the way, was already To Village, entitled „Zariche wants money”). When all Severance members surrounded the PK drop and began dividing it, rezz spotted them and immediately reported on ally chat: „YABA-DABA-DOO”.
   An epic moment.
   Goddard, clan halls, castles, every possible move to teleport something in Varka. The whole Syndicate’s zerg. Altogether, at once. They teleported to Varka. And then there was silence... because Lord Sztof missed something once again. Something that had failed many mightier leaders than him. Something that had leaded whole sieges into the void. Something that usually happens when 8 parties try to teleport at one place altogether. That kind of something:


   Yes. Even Lord Drake The Almighty God afraids from this. But that’s what you deserve when you send 8 pt vs 1.
   In any case, survived those, who had the most powerful... machines. Sztof, Psyck, Velet, Kabally and rezz. Who hurried to hit the blessed soe immediately when they realized what’s going on and, luckily, before someone shot them. For those who somehow managed to connect later, I would say it was too late, i.e. the separated zerg is not a zerg. Anyway, Sztof restricted speaking about that story and treatened everyone who dare to, with kick. Fortunately, I’m not a Syndicate, else you wouldn’t have the privilegy to read this.
   In that moment DontF2ck logged back. The only thing he saw before his born reflex (Return syndrome) save him from barin freakage was the nasty smiling face of AlexShadowdagger, precisely putting the dropped weapon in his bag.
   Too pity for the failed zerg. But Lord Sztof assures me that his time will come soon. Still, I think we will all see when and how. Because terrain wars are about to be...


Narrateo, 27.01.09

[Nosti]

adenaplox, where are your new stuff ?